Mood: Yeah

Listening: Futility

Blah blah blah blah I’m sad, life isn’t what it’s supposed to be, I have to actually try, and sometimes when I’m in the shower a woodlouse falls to its death on the floor from the gap in the windowsill and I get overwhelmed with the meaningless of it all then I go and sit and eat plastic foods and stare at noise on the rectangle until I’m distracted enough again.

The first draft of this blog post was 4 solid paragraphs of this narcissistic dross and its boring, its boring to write, its boring to read, its not worth publishing, so it’s been cut.

I’ve been thinking a lot this week, about tone and oversharing, about what kind of portrait of a person you would start to paint if you only had access to the interior, no awareness of the exterior. It would be lopsided, and not very good, too bright in some places, too dark in others, half formed, undercooked.

I feel like that’s what I’ve done so far with most of the writing on here, lots about my failures and weaknesses, vulnerabilities, not enough about things that bring me joy, or that I’m good at, or have positive experience with.

A person isn’t just their failures, nor are they just their successes.
Sharing only the former is just as narcissistic as sharing only the latter.

In more practical news, I am trying to figure out what I’m doing in the new year now, as I’m leaving my current job and with it gone I feel like I should take the chance to go elsewhere. Just not sure where to buy the ticket to yet. Somewhere where they don’t use Excel if such an oasis exists.

Been playing a fair bit of Disco Elysium the past week, I’m enjoying it but it isn’t the second coming of Christ so many make it out to be. This is the first game I’ve sank 10+ hours a week into all year and I dislike how much time its taking up. I’ve also been devouring crappy WH40k novels, one per night, but for some reason I don’t feel as wasteful about those, even though they’re probably less intellectually stimulating. Odd how that works.