Mood: Wiggly, possibly even Jiggly

Listening: She Says Smiling

I haven’t had a drink in 1 year, 2 months, 3 weeks, 3 days and 13 hours, not that I’m counting.

I had to go down to the big boy building the other day to pick something up and on the way back through the site I passed by my old workplace and stopped to peek inside.

It’s been transformed into a stockroom or IT department or some other temple to mundanity, I don’t know what.

It looked the same but it felt totally different, the smell was gone for one, that chalky bleach and alcohol smell that’s almost more feeling than anything else. Didn’t sound right either; too quiet, too orderly, no shouting or beeping or crying issuing from inside. The guy at the desk behind the mag door looked relaxed, happy almost, had the radio on, scrolling on his phone, Friday afternoon.

It was weird being back there but not back there, not quite Deja Vu; an odd feeling, like standing in a lift waiting for the doors to close.

I’m looking forward to being gainfully unemployed in the new year and free to spend more time being a morose cunt, really I am, I need to be gone, I’m meant to be already but family stuff money stuff blah blah blah, inertia is a bitch and she’s got me by the balls, you know the score.

I’m writing, a lot, which I’m happy with, but I write on paper, and have neither want nor will to transcribe paper drafts onto the computer and then turn them into something useable. Most of what I’ve written isn’t worth publishing anyway, thoughts sprattling onto a page, too incoherent to be meaningful. I’ll do something with some of it at some stage.

Sporadically coughing a lot, for seemingly no reason, having mild chest pains on and off, not sure if its because I’m half black coffee by volume (my last vice) or because I sleep in a weird fucked up position.

Can’t see a doctor in this failed state so I’ll guess I’ll find out if its an actual problem when it goes away or decides to get worse.

I went out for a run today before sunset, a long winding loop around a lake near me. Ran down along the shore as the sun fell, watched the world turn those magic colours. Coming in to close the loop a swarm of hundreds of ducks flew in from over the fields towards the lake, forming up as they came on, a great V of V’s.

Fackin’ immense mate.