Mood: Hell Yeah

Listening: Street Anthems

I think everything on this site is edgy, dumb, and kind of pathetic.

Ok you say, so what’s new?

Things are going pretty well, I’ve got a job, I’m settling in, all the big horrible decisions have been made, all the obvious bottomless pits leapt over.

I’m flourishing here.
I cannot remember life ever being better, it genuinely never has been better.

Friends, money, freedom, girlfriend, health, sanity, meaning, belonging.

But the thought’s there in the back of my head.
You’ll have to leave here sooner rather than later.
Always and forever in the back of my head.

Nobody’s saying I have to go back to where I came from though.
I can just do it all again.
‘Till I can’t.

It’ll be hard to do, this has been brutally hard, but it’ll be worth it.
Again and again and again.

Fuck the old life.
It wasn’t worth living.

In some ways I am definitely going in circles, professionally and fiscally being here is not good for me, but I don’t give a shit about those things anymore. Doing the smart thing, working a kustchy government job, plinking away at a fucking statistics degree was getting me nowhere, I’m done with it.

I make enough, my needs are simple enough, I’ve tightened my belt enough, I’ve got enough for now.

Right now and for the near future I have the material means to live a life I actually want to live. I’ll take another ten years of that over another 50 of grey, meaningless misery.

I’ve been picking at bits and pieces on some old drafts in the last few days but nothing of much value is coming of them so I probably won’t publish anything from them.

RIP in the trashbin of shame forever:

• Fuck computers 2 (don’t have the correct energy for it)
• The Seagull (Sadposting, I’ve done enough of that)
• Let me see the guts (I want to completely rewrite this, its current form is bloated, will start from scratch)
• Legend of the Galactic Heroes Fanpage (binned before the CSS was even dry ;_;7)
• Luxuriating in the night: a nighttime how to (absolute trash, the most insufferable thing I’ve ever wrote, cunt title, cunt words, shite, stinky)
• Poetry One (lol)

In the pipe:

• Modelos at dawn (once I figure out the exposure triangle and acquire more than one camera battery you’ll all fucking see)
• North America is a place that exists
• The Irish diaspora: a thing that I interact with now, thoughts and observations
• Big cities and small communities
• My book needs rebooting
• Urban Rambling
• Please read Earthsea
• The Ebike from a povcyclist’s perspective (If you have a less cuntish working title send it to me please and thanks)

Big list of things that I’ve done for the first time in between my last post and now:

• Had a girl tell me she liked me unprompted
• Swam in a freshwater mountain lake without having to pay or ask permission
• Got caught trespassing on a rich guy’s property and talked my way out of it
• Broke up with someone and felt like a complete asshole after doing so
• Fainted and woke up with a concussion and a big ass medical bill
• Let someone bite me (It’s good)
• Lay on a pontoon all night with someone and watched the stars come out
• Taught someone to shoot a gun properly
• Blew a day’s wages and beat my shoulder blue firing a shotgun into old fruit and paper targets and clay pigeons with a couple of buddies in the woods
• Turned around to find a bear behind me
• Actually met someone woker than I IRL
• Got cult fished and realised what was happening too late to get away without taking a leaflet
• Got horribly sick from eating gas station food
• Attended a crit
• Attended a meme band hypermicro genre freakshow concert
• Realised I felt happy and couldn’t recall when I last felt chronically unhappy
• Learned to make small talk properly

Alright.
Bye.